RICHMAINE

HAPPY PANIC

Streamers billowed, flags fluttered, eyes flashed and bosoms heaved...
The Panic slithered like a snake from the warf...then an almighty belch as the horn blew...black and sooty smoke that came cascading down on passengers and farewell wishers alike leaving them looking like chimney sweeps...eyes poking wide...the rest of their attire, all one color... dirty...
Today there were no classes.

Soon the mighty ship bounced over surf and swell...The old girl was happy as it entertained it's guests who slid around on its upper decks, drunk with happiness and wine.
Normality resumed whatever that was.

Crappy Leon wandered the decks...found a seaman's hat, donned it, and ventured into the first-class decks.
There he saw Wake Kinslet
He was in love... but how could he even catch her eye...her eye...oh dear he thought...it does not move...it was glass...must be the new fad...Columbus was making serious loot from folks who were having a perfectly good eye plucked and a glass one replace it...
He rubbed his wooden leg as if to scratch and decided it was sexy on her
Wake lay on a lounger enjoying the winter sun

The gulls attacked in squadrons, wheeling then diving onto their targets with deadly accuracy...
Women ran screaming as white rain dropped on their styled hair doos...men shook fists as their hats were snatched off their heads and then dropped into the ocean... children screeched with laughter until ice cream cones were grabbed from their hands...Gulls 10 ... Passengers 0
She looked up as Crappy heaved his wooden leg and fell into the lounger beside her.

She was in love and despite him having no front teeth, the two were soon holding hands and kissing.
She giggled and her eye wept with joy
He too was delighted and felt his nights under the canopy of a lifeboat might be at an end...
That is until she told him about her friend...Willy Vain who wanted to marry her.
She was unsure and Crappy seemed such fun.

The next days were a delightful combination of chasing each other, hiding in air ducts, and laughing, although Wake gave hyenas a run for their laughing money.
They made their way to the stables where racing and stud horses were kept
Their lovemaking, her hyena laugh, and his continual thumping on the deck floor with his wooden leg had the four-legged friends in neighing fits.

The Panic plowed playfully, progressively, and even petulantly into the troughs that crested white sea horses dancing until their race was done... failing and falling only to rise again, dance again then fall again.

SUDDENLY........
The ocean emptied and then filled with an enormous fish.
DOBY MICK looked at the ship...licked his face and opened his mouth.
His mouth seemed to be on hinges...it enveloped the vessel and soon the Panic began its journey to the stomach where it came to stay.
After the screaming died down and men of nerve began their escape plans, a shout of delight reached across the bow.

We are saved...We are saved
I am Fresh...my wife Tepid and my daughter Barley...We are the Water family.
We have been here a long time.
Now that you and your ship are here...we can all escape.

So the crew and Fresh waited for days before Doby ate some bad shellfish and began wretching...
They were ready and surfed the out of Dobie's mouth and into False Bay near Cape Town.
The exited passengers babbled as the lifeboats pulled away from the badly damaged ship.
Crappy and Wake hugged each other. Willy was nowhere to be seen.

On the beach was an eager-looking crowd beckoning the boats
Their black faces contrasted by their big white teeth... Enormous teeth.
As the passengers waded from the water they were surrounded by the now unfriendlies and were grabbed.
Soon they were tied to each other and led up the hill to 6 huge pots full of boiling water.
Many began to wail.
Many fainted at the dreadful demise that awaited them.
Just then Crappy looked back at the ship and saw Willy with a huge sack trying to lower the raft.
He's stealing our possessions...
Wake had an idea and whispered it to Crappy
After discussing the matter with the unfriendlies some of them took one of the boats and rowed to the stricken ship.

They boarded and soon found Willy.
He was brought to the beach and thrown into one of the pots.
Sometime later after the others were untied the locals began eating Willy.
What did you tell them Crappy was asked
Oh just that he is full of vanity, ego, and selfishness...good spices.
Certainly, Willy was soon polished off.

Later after the passengers were back in their homelands Crappy and Wake sat outside their royal hut enjoying their new life.
There were many light coffee-coloured people in the Crappywake tribe and to this day one can see them still in the Western Cape of Southern Africa cleaning their glass eyes and flicking the termites off their legs.
But this new fad that became popular of PASSION GAPS was an inigma to the two royals.